Rachel Hay on Rainbow Babies, Navigating Grief & Finding Joy in Motherhood

We’re honoured to feature Rachel Hay, a Sydney-based clinical psychologist and mother of two sons—Hugo and Harrison. Rachel’s story is one of profound love and loss, and her openness in sharing both the heartbreak of stillbirth and the joy of parenting her rainbow baby is a powerful reminder of the resilience and strength found in motherhood.

Name: Rachel Hay
Date of Birth: 13 January 1986
Place of Birth: Sydney, Australia
Occupation: Clinical Psychologist

What do you love about being a mother?
Honestly… absolutely everything. Harrison is a little ray of sunshine that brings me so much joy. My unconditional love for him and his for me. Even at just four months old, to see the resilience in him is so amazing. He recently learnt to roll and he just wants to practice it (all day, every day!). I think children are a great reminder of not giving up — even if something is difficult, they just keep going.

What do you find the hardest thing about being a mother?
This is a tricky question for me. If I answer in regards to Harrison, it would be nothing — he makes my job as his mum the most enjoyable thing in the world. But when I think of Hugo, it’s never being able to hold him again or see him grow.

Is there something personal about the letters you have chosen for your necklace?
I wear two H’s on my necklace. My sister gifted me the first H in July last year, on the day of our son’s funeral. Hugo was stillborn on July 27, 2018 — our first child. My second H is for our beautiful rainbow baby Harrison, born on July 23 this year. I truly believe he is a gift from Hugo. It’s been an incredibly difficult year, with many lows and some beautiful highs.
When we fell pregnant with Hugo, I never thought loss would be part of our story. Until it happened, I didn’t realise how common it is — infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth. You become a parent the second you see those double lines. That truth needs to be recognised. I didn’t become a mum when Harrison was born — I became a mum when I fell pregnant with Hugo. I’m a mother to two beautiful boys. One of them is in heaven, watching over his little brother.

Do you have a message for other women or couples who have had a similar experience?
You’re not alone. Connect with others who have experienced loss — there’s a whole community out there that understands. Instagram, private Facebook groups, charities, and counsellors helped me through the darkest weeks. Grief is deeply personal, and it’s okay to feel it all.
We include Hugo in everything we do. This Christmas we’re hanging a stocking for both boys and making a donation to a charity in Hugo’s name — something we’ll do as a family every year. For anyone grieving, know that there’s no right way, just your way. Some days will be easier than others. Be kind to yourself, always.

What are your go-to beauty products and favourite brands?
I’ve recently rediscovered Miranda Kerr’s KORA Organics — I love the certified organic ingredients, especially since becoming a mum. I’ve got the serums, oils, masks — the lot! For makeup, I’m a big fan of Charlotte Tilbury, NARS, By Terry, Dior and Chantecaille.

How do you manage to stay in shape?
Being four months postpartum, it’s a work in progress! I used to love walks, Reformer Pilates and PT. Now I’m easing back in with short home workouts while Harrison naps or walks with him in the pram — he’s so curious and loves taking in the world.

How do you find time to rest and relax?
It’s rare, but I find pockets of time when I can. My husband spends time with Harrison in the morning so I can rest, and during naps I do what my body needs — sometimes it’s a nap, sometimes nothing at all. I’m learning not to feel guilty about rest.

Where are your favourite places to go in Sydney?
We live in Potts Point, which is incredibly walkable and perfect with a pram. Gypsy is our go-to for coffee and breakfast. Now that we’re parents, we do more lunches out — Fei Jei, Lotus, and Giorgio’s are current favourites.

What are your favourite things to do together?
Weekends are for family. We love walking, picnics, the pool, and seeing friends. Now that Harrison is a bit older, we’re doing more of what we love — including entertaining at home with BBQs and drinks. I’m so excited for all the fun to come.

Any travel tips with a small child or baby?
Be prepared — even if that means overpacking! It helped me feel at ease. And be flexible: we had a picnic planned, but Harrison napped so long we ended up having it on the lounge room floor. It was perfect. Adapting is everything.

Where is your favourite place to vacation with your family?
Growing up, we always went to the snow, and I can’t wait to continue that with Harrison. I also love beach holidays. The Maldives is my all-time favourite, but that might have to wait a little while!

What is your signature style and favourite fashion brands?
My wardrobe is full of dresses — Zimmerman and Thurley for occasions, and Auguste, Sheike and Rodeo Show for everyday wear. Breastfeeding has changed my style a bit, so I’m leaning into comfort and versatility. I pair dresses with sneakers during the day and switch to heels at night. I also live in Nimble Activewear — their pieces are comfy and surprisingly breastfeeding-friendly.

Rachel wears Three Letters & Diamond Star Necklace here 

Film photography: Luca (6)